The Ten Virgins

One of my favorite inspirations from the scriptures is the parable of The Ten Virgins. It holds deep personal significance for me. Our stake Relief Society is doing a musical presentation of this parable in early February. I was asked to sing the part of Leora. Her song is...

By my Lantern Light

Evening lights retire one by one.

Tired eyes are setting with the sun.

But surely as the day is done

Some walk in shadows.

Faces that I've never seen before,

Some I've known so well I can't ignore

Their voices calling at my door.

Lost as the wind blows.

And by my lantern light

deep within the night

Trav'lers turn to me with weary eyes.

Brilliantly it glows

like a sky composed

Of stars that glimmer as the darkness grows.

Bringing hope, giving life.

burning brightly by my lantern light.

I would give ev'ry tiny part

ev'ry hidden corner of my heart

to mend a world that's torn apart.

healing the aching

Reaching out, something in my soul

cries out loud

Not for me but so much more

for those who wander in the cold.

Trembling and shaking

And by my lantern light

deep within the night

Trav'lers turn to me with weary eyes.

Brilliantly it glows

like a sky composed

Of stars that glimmer as the darkness grows.

Bringing hope, giving life,

burning brightly by my lantern light.

And should it fade away.

its ashes turned to gray it's not too late.

For ev'ry fire that dies

the sun won't fail to rise another day.

And by my lantern light

deep within the night

Trav'lers turn to me with weary eyes

Brilliantly it glows like a sky composed

Of stars that glimmer as the darkness grows.

Bringing hope, giving life

burning brightly by my lantern light

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YeBYxpGbJbM

The sound quality isn't the best on this recording, but you can get aa feel for the song.

Time to Pause

I haven't written for a while. There have been so many transitions, new challenges and revelations that have changed my reality, I am breathless trying to keep up.

This fall we lost part of our music program and I was transferred to 3 new schools to fill in the gaps. Whenever you enter a new school, it takes a lot of time and effort to establish new relationships. This takes much longer and is more complicated when there are three schools instead of just one. Good working relationships are essential to accomplishing the job of teaching children. I have found that while professionalism involves taking the higher ground, there are those who choose a different path. Going into three new buildings is rather like walking into a minefield with a blindfold on. Eventually, you're going to step on one..or two before you figure out where the safest path is.

I'm currently guiding my little dingy through a bay that has been mined and I don't know which way to go. Indeed, my current view does not yield a positive outcome. I can't remain still because the tide keeps moving in and out. I have found it expedient to request a local Special Forces unit to guide me to a safe location where I can continue to serve. The new holes in the dingy are keeping me busy until help arrives. After I get to shore, I plan to look for a watercraft that's more seaworthy. I hope there's one available.

Above all, I put my trust in the Lord that things will work out as they need to. He has always been there for me when I need him. Most especially when I open the door by asking him to be there. When I am experiencing another difficult life lesson, I usually don't understand why it has to be so dang hard. I'm sure this could have been accomplished another way! It's later that I begin to understand why it had to be the way it was. Sometimes I never know why, but I trust that the understanding will come when I'm ready and need to hear it.

Next week, I will be admitted to the hospital for surgery. When I first found out about the necessity for this procedure, I wasn't happy. Why couldn't the timing have been in the summer? I don't work in the summer. Now, I thank the Lord for his tender mercies. The extra time off will allow me to rest and mentally prepare for that which is to come.

Master, the tempest is raging! The billows are tossing high!

The sky is o'er shadowed with blackness. No shelter or help is nigh.

Carest thou not that we perish? How canst thou lie asleep?

When each moment so madly is threatening A grave in the angry deep?

Master, with anguish of spirit I bow in my grief today.

The depths of my sad heart are troubled. Oh, waken and save, I pray!

Torrents of sin and of anguish Sweep o'er my sinking soul,

And I perish! I perish! dear Master. Oh, hasten and take control!

Master, the terror is over. The elements sweetly rest.

Earth's sun in the calm lake is mirrored, And heaven's within my breast!

Linger, Oh, blessed Redeemer! Leave me alone no more,

And with joy I shall make the blest harbor And rest on the blissful shore.

This may take some time, but I'll let you know when I get to the shore, and discover exactly where that shore is. :) Or, if the dingy sinks, you'll all be hearing from Tom.

America The Beautiful

I teach Elementary Music. This is what happened today in one of my 3rd grade classes.

We were learning/reviewing patriotic songs (America, America the Beautiful & The Star Spangled Banner) in preparation for the Veterans’ Day Program. As an introduction, we discussed why we sing these songs and what they mean to us. To help the students understand, I focused on the words related to freedom and explained that not every country enjoys the freedoms that we do. i.e. in some countries girls are not free to go to school, only the boys. How are education and freedom related?
One young man on the back row expressed his excitement about the possibility of being treated so special. He thought it was a really cool concept. Power to the boys! Then, the young lady next to him started crying. She said she remembered how it used to be in her country, how scary it was. She’s from Afghanistan. We listened to her. I asked him if he thought it would be a good idea for the student next to him to be in a place where she couldn’t go to school. He said no. We all agreed that it was good to be in a place where everyone can go to school. Taking away someone else’s freedom/education is not a good thing to do. Education can help us to keep our freedom. Being free allows us to become more educated. Powerful stuff.
When we sang the Star Spangled Banner, a student from Mexico raised his hand and said that this song makes him cry, and he feels it in his heart. The friend by his side agreed with him. I told them that sometimes it makes me cry too.

I love this country and I love teaching music.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RssIN3ustUw

Count Your Blessings: Recounts are OK

This school year had a whirlwind beginning. In my job, I work between three schools teaching music classes. Because of budget cuts/net job losses, many of us had our work sites rearranged. I was pulled from all my schools, and put into 3 new schools. The change was tough. There were many tears as I left behind staff & students I had worked with and learned to love. There was only a long weekend to gather supplies from the old schools and reestablish in the new before school started, and that weekend I was out of town for 3 days. I have not yet accomplished the task of integration... my van is full of teaching supplies and now looks worse than Tom's car, full of his work stuff with no room for people. I'm still waiting for an office/desk ...they say it might take a while....

Two of my classes are with autistic students. They struggle with transitions and loud music. We share a bond.

In the mean time, I developed a case of bronchitis and am home resting, trying to avoid catching pneumonia.

Blessings I'm Grateful for:

Since I can't be grateful for staying at schools where I was established and known, I can be grateful for the welcoming attitude in the new schools where I now teach. I am grateful to have a job. I am grateful to still be teaching elementary music, which I love. I am grateful for wonderful family members who treat me with kindness & love while I'm sick & take care of household business.

I'm grateful that the deal to sell our out of state house is almost done. It's been a major drain on our finances for years.


I'm grateful for the knowledge of the gospel and the ability to attend the temple. There is an incredible peace found in that holy place.

I am grateful for the wealth of knowledge/understanding that has come my way, as I pray for the ability to meet challenges, and to satisfy this yearning deep in my soul that tells me to ask more questions so that the doors that I need to walk through can be opened. I am grateful for friends who share this desire and open their hearts to me.

This life is so short.

Faith & Works in Progress: Part 3

The last few weeks have marked the end of school, intense trips to Oregon to get the house ready to sell and lots of overtime for Tom. He's been putting in some very long days. The money is great, but he is tired.
When we checked our stats. We found that we were almost exactly the same for the last six weeks. We didn't gain or loose in pounds/inches. I did go down one more percentage point of body fat, making that a total of a 5% fat loss for me. I also began a vegetarian diet the week before school let out. It's a summer phase. The Word of Wisdom (Doctrine & Covenants section 89) suggests that going without meat in the summer would be a good idea. So, I'm doing it to see how it works out for me.
Tom bought pants two sizes smaller, and they're now a little loose. He no longer looks like some of these young gang banger Wanna Be's. Working outside, he is handsomely tan & increasingly more lean. So, with this third session largely on a plateau, we have regrouped and are redoubling our efforts to begin the next six week session. See you in 6 weeks.

Tomisms and other Family Frazes

When Tom & I first began to spend time together, I noticed that he had some very colorful vocabulary. By colorful, I don't mean blue language...but rather idioms unique to him/his family and/or American Cowboy dialect. My kids had never heard many of these phrases, so we began a project called Tom's Dictionary. It's a living document, as we are still finding,adding and creating words & phrases to write in it. It began with Tomisms but we're getting many entries that didn't originate with Tom.

It's not in alphabetical order. Every family unit creates some phrases of their own unique to them. Feel free to share. I'd love to see them!

And we begin....drum roll....cymbals...silence...microphone buzz....

Nunya: 1) Nothing or none of your business. What you you mean what color are my under wear! That's nunya! How many? Nunya!

In there like a hair in a biscuit: 1) Very closely associated with 2) tightly situated, difficult to remove. They really like his work at that company, he's in there like a hair in a biscuit.

Colder'n a wedge: (colder than a wedge) 1) very cold. I need my long johns, it's colder'n a wedge out there.

That's a pain in the Tom: 1) difficult or unwelcome task or situation. It's time to clean the gutters again. That's a pain in the Tom. Hey, somebody used my toothbruth to clean the tile in the bathroom! "What a pain in the Tom!"

Temporary Joy: ...."Hey Tom, what are those rabbits doing? Paco's experiencing temporary joy, I think he's had enough, why don't you send him back to his own cage. ref. Heather's rabbit.

Butt Crack of Dawn: Very early in the morning. The sun wasn't hardly up, they got up at the butt-crack of dawn. (And weren't very thrilled)

Daylight in the Swamp: Time to get up in the morning. The sun is high enough to get into the low part of the valley. "What time is it?" "It's daylight in the swamp - roll out of bed!"

Bazooms: (bossoms) 1) female protuberances. My, her dress was a bit low, her bazooms were falling out all over the place.

Swammich: 1) a dish prepared with food (usually meat) between two slices of bread. " I had a turkey swammich for lunch."

Since Hector was a Pup: 1) a long time ago. "I haven't been there since Hector was a pup. (1980)

MR: 1) Them Are 2) They Are) MR ducks, MR not ducks. OSMR. CM Wangs.

OSMR: "Oh yes, them are."

Degredients: 1) items joined together to make a finished products. ex. ingredients to make a cake. I need to buy degredients to make a cheese cake.

It's cold enought to freeze the balls off a brass monkey: 1) It's extremely cold. Back when they had cannon balls on the ships, they stored the canon balls on a plate with divits for the balls to rest in. It was a triangle shaped plate bolted to the deck near the canon. the balls stack pyramid style. The plate was called a monkey. In cold weather, the monkey would contact and the balls would roll off. they discovered that if they used brass to build the monkey, it didn't contract as much. so, only in the most extreme cold weather, was it cold enough to "freeze the balls off a brass monkey."

Itch: 1) alternate for 'to scratch'. "Itch my back!"

Smiles: 1) substitution for the word mile. How many miles 'til we get there dad? 50 more smiles!

More bird: 1) a request for 2nds at holiday time, specifically TURKEY. Aren't you full yet? Heck no, more bird! More bird: Oh no, I'm too full. OK more bird!

Hysterical sites: 1) historical sites. 2) places of interest with historically significant events/places/people associated with it/them. On our next trip, we plan to stop by and visit several important hysterical sites.

Destructions: 1)alternative word for instruction. 2) a 'how to' list. 3) On christmas Eve, dad is sittin' in the family room with a pile of toys still in the boxes, each with their own destructions to help him put them together. Hey mom, how do I get this thing put together? I don't know, maybe the destructions will help.

Tonies: 1) alternative word for pony (small horse) While driving in the car - looking out the window - Hey, look at all them tonies!

mookies: 1) short for Moo-cow or cow. Look at all them mookies out in the field!

turn right: example; "Hachtel left." Turn right at the next corner, no, your other right. I turned left, I mean a Hachtel right.

turn left: example Hachtel right; Turn left up there at the next light. OK, let's try again when we drive around the block. No, your other left! We didn't need to go there anyway, did we? Note: The origin of this idiom is disputed and under discussion. Grandpa Hachtel claims that it was imported down stream in his line...

Steep as a cow's face: 1) extremely steep. A cow's face is close to straight up & down. If you don't understand it, just look at a cow. Self explanatory.

Mountain Cows: 1) cows that are specially bred with short legs on the left and long legs on the right so they can graze on the face of the mountain and not fall off. "That can't be true daddy, there's cow's facing both ways on that mountain! What you see there children are left handed mountain cows and right-handed mountain cows. It's very important to have equal numbers of each, so the grass gets trimmed going both ways......Oh.

Bull Goose: 1) the head goose. When looking at geese flying in the V formation in the sky, the bull goose is the one at the point of the V - in charge of the rest. They all follow him. Look at that bull goose flying up there. He won't stay long, the drag of the other geese will tire him out soon.

Dang (darn) Yahoo: (courtesy of Grandma Betty) A yahoo is a worthless young man hanging around trying to date your daughter. A dang/darn yahoo is a yahoo who was particularly objectionable or persistent. "That darned yahoo showed up when you were't here last night. Why don't you tell him to get lost?"

Description of a Yahoo: sloppily dressed, poor manners, blue language.

Big Ben, Parliment, Tower of London - repeat...repeat...: 1) a term used to describe repeated missed turns, so you see the same sights repeatedly, ref. National Lampoon's European Vacation. Driving 'round in circles, trying to figure out where to turn to get to where you're going. Look Kids, Big Ben, Parliment, Tower of London - repeat...repeat...:

Giant Marshmallows: 1) large white objects left in the fields in Oregon when the farmer is done harvesting his hay. "Look kids, giant marshmallows!" Those aren't marshmallows, they're too big. That's why we call them GIANT Marshmellows. The farmer hauls them to the marshmallow factory where they get chopped into bite sized pieces & sealed in plastic bags & sold in the stores as treats. Roberson import.

If you don't stop that you're going to be walking around the a hand on the top of you head with a knot underneath. (Pat Douthit's dad Bill)
self explanatory.

You're breeding a scab on the end of your nose: reference to any activity likely to cause damage to ones' body or face. To a child, climbing on top of the swing set. "You're breeding a scab on the end of your nose!"

What part of NO don't you understand? You don't have to explain yourself. No is a complete sentence. No.

Off like a heard of turtles: 1) moving very slowly. 2) late getting started 3) behind scheduled activities 4) reference to chronic procrastination. Roberson import

A Diller a Dollar a ten o'clock scholar what makes you come so soon, you used to come at ten o'clock and now you come at noon.

Grat'is the Gift 'at God 'er geist, to see ur silves uz others seeist: Grandpa Ralph (Sandi's paternal grandfather), Scottish ancestry. He would say this with a thick Scottish brogue at many an opportune moment... (Great is the gift that God has given us, to see ourselves as others see us.)


No rest for the wicked and the righteous don't need it: Grandma Colleen (Sandi's mom) 1) sitting down on a work day is a no win situation, 2) Get up and get moving No you can't take a nap, there's no rest for the wicked and the righteous don't need it. Implication, if you're living/eating right, you'll have the strength to make it through the day without napping. i.e. What have you been doing that you need a nap?

Thoughts on Step Families: Part 2: Stepping with the Ancestors

Sometimes when people talk of step families, they represent them as a modern custom, one that our ancestors' generation did not engage in nearly to the extent that we do now. Somehow embedded in this is the expectation of some that step families could be avoided altogether if the participants had somehow tried harder. As I have read through my own and others' family histories, I have been struck with the frequency and neccesity of the step family arrangement in the 1700, 1800 & 1900's.
To begin with, 100-200 years ago, the life expectancy of men and women was much less than it is now. Women often died in childbirth, leaving the father with small children who needed to be cared for. Weather marriages ended by death or divorce, there were no community/government sponsored childcare services, the most practical remedy was to remarry, thus creating numerous step family arrangements.

In my own family lines, Rasmus Nielsen Jeppesen and his wife Ane Hansen were born in Denmark. They had six children, 2 boys & 4 girls. The boys lived, but three of the four girls died at birth. They heard the gospel message and were baptised in 1853. Rasmus made major changes in his life as he & his wife embraced gospel teachings, including giving up gambling and enduring the pain of life long friends and beloved family members turning their backs on them.
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Maren Christina was working as a governess for Johan & Mette Marie Ottesen when she accepted the gospel. She went into the waters of baptism on her crutches and walked out without ever needing them again. She was a woman of great faith. Johan was so impressesd by this event that he began to learn more about her religion and gained his own testimony of the gospel. His wife Mette did not. His baptism became a point of contention in their marriage. They had four children. Johan actively participated in the local gospel meetings. Mette rejected this message and her husband also. They divorced and divided custody of the children. Maren continued in John's household to provide care for his two older children. Their love for Jesus Christ and his gospel helped grow a strong bond between them and they married in 1852.
Those who joined the church in Denmark were shunned & persecuted by their families, friends and the general public. Mobs broke into their meeting places, shouted obscenities, destroyed their belongings and threatened them physically. It's not hard to see why someone would want to divorce their recently baptised Mormon spouse, if they had no testimony of their own to inspire such a radical change of life. When the call came for the saints to gather in America, Rasmus & Ane and John & Maren were ready to leave.
440 of them traveled on the Cimberia from Copenhagen to Liverpool England. From Liverpool to New Orleans they traveled on the James Nesmith. Accomodations were dirty & cramped and the food & water unclean. Ane Hansen died five days before they reached New Orleans. At New Orleans they boarded the Oceana Riverboat headed for St. Louis. On this boat, Maren lost her husband Johan and his son Christian the next day. Rasmus then lost his son Carl, who was only 3 1/2 years old. Cholera caused many of these deaths.

They traveled to Mormon Grove, four miles west of Atchison on the Missouri River to prepare to cross the planes to Salt Lake Valley. Rasmus with his 9 year old son Hans took responsibility to help Maren and her two step daughters Ellen Catherine and Margrethe. They began this journey on June 13th, 1855, and arrived on September 7th of the same year. Having depended on each other as they crossed the plains to Utah, Rasmus & Maren married 6 months after their arrival in Salt Lake City. Maren and Rasmus continued to help many Danish immigrants over the years to get settled as they arrived in Utah.

Emma Emilia Bravandt

Another ancestor was Emma Emilie Bravandt. Her mother's first husband left her a widow. Her second husband was Peter Bravandt. Their first child was born in 1835. They married in 1836. Emma was born in 1837. Peter & Maren (Emma's mother) lived apart for a number of years. Peter was baptised in 1852 in Copenhagen. He then returned to Switzerland to preach the gospel to his relatives. He returned to Copenhagen and taught the gospel to his daughters. His step-daughter, Anne, was baptised in April 1853 and Emma on December 31st 1853, a few months after her mother passed away. When Emma's mother Maren died, she left everything to her two daughters and specifically excluded her husband Peter. Her disapproval of his choices was clear.

Anne traveled to America on the ship "Charles Buck" and then by Wagon Train in 1853 to Salt Lake. She later married John Haslam and raised her family there. Her father, Peter left Denmark in 1855 but never reached Utah. He died in Mormon Grove on November 20,1855. After crossing the Atlantic, Emma traveled with the Willie Handcart Company in 1856 to reach the Salt Lake Valley. This was one of the two companies who began their journey very late in the season and suffered severe hardship because of early snow & harsh weather conditions. Many of their company died before they reached the Valley. They were met by rescuers from Salt Lake at the 6th crossing of the Sweet Water in Wyoming. She later married Rasmus Nielsen and had eight children. Last summer, we traveled there to retrace Emma's steps. Her name is one of many on a monument recognizing the events that took place there. We signed our names in the book of descendents of the Willie Handcart Company.

Blood ties are strong. They help us hold families together. He who doesn't care for his own is worse than an infidel. (1 Timothy 5:8) We take care of our families. We all belong to the same spiritual family. We are all brothers and sisters regardless of which continent we were born on or the color of our skin or what we choose to believe. The ties created by the gospel of Jesus Christ can be strong like blood lines, because the gospel teaches us that we all belong to the same family, with Heavenly parents. They are real, and they love us.
In biological & step families, we're held together by a common bond. That tie can be strengthened or weakened or even broken by individual choices. As families / step families in the gospel, we know that we're already family on the level that lasts. We each determine the depth of these relationships.

Thoughts on Step Families: part 1

Grandpa Ralph - Grandma Evelyn - her son Warren

Each person has their own experiences and their own memories. We can all share an event in the same time and space and come away with very different recollections. Ask any siblings anywhere to give their perspective of a single event, and you will hear different versions from each of them. Just like two people looking at the same landscape, but from different locations, or at a different time of day, with eyes trained to notice different things, the view will not be the same. It's interesting how our own perspective and attitude shades what we are able to see, what we believe to be true and what we remember. As I write, please understand that these are my memories, shared from the perspective that I know the best, my own.

My first experience with step families began before I was born. My grandfather Ralph, was a farmer in the Willamette Valley in Oregon. He loved my grandmother Valerie dearly and would walk for miles just to be with her. She was a school teacher. They were born 3 weeks apart in the spring of 1893 and were married at 21 in December of 1914. She died at 46, two days after their youngest child Ruth was stillborn. (They're buried together in a cemetary in Salem. I have taken my children to see their graves many times as I tell them the stories. ) As a widower, Grandpa had a house full of children and a farm to run. He hired a house keeper, Evelyn. Evelyn had three children of her own. (Her husband had been in an accident and suffered brain damage that caused violent and unpredictable behavior. They divorced and she found it neccesary to work to support her family.) After a while, the arrangement seemed like a good one, and they got married.

The day of the wedding, the family was involved in canning peaches. At noon, they stopped, got dressed up and went down to the river. There, Bishop Wall, the local LDS bishop performed the ceremony. After the ceremony, they went back to canning peaches. Grandma Evelyn told me that they canned about 700 quarts that day. (1/2 gallons & quarts combined) In the evening, she & grandpa and about 22 others drove to the coast for the honeymoon. Grandpa had many foster kids over the years and this was a family affair.

My father was 11 when his mother died and 13 when his father married Grandma Evelyn. Grandma Evelyn was 8 years younger than Grandpa Ralph. Dad had 6 older siblings, not all of whom agreed with their father's choice to remarry. But Grandpa Ralph was used to that. His family didn't approve of his first wife either and he married her anyway. They held a meeting to formalize their dissent, but Grandpa wasn't dissuaded. He credited his stubborn streak to his Scottish heritage.

I suspect that for some of these children, there would never be a person or a time that would meet with their approval for their father to remarry. They couldn't see past their own loss to the grief & loneliness that their father was experiencing. His desire to remarry was viewed as selfish, because it didn't meet their needs at the time.

Grandpa's first wife was a Mormon, but grandpa never joined the church while she lived. Eventually he and Grandma Evelyn did join the church and were married in the temple. When Grandpa Ralph was sealed to his first wife Valerie, Grandma Evelyn stood in proxy for her. I remember seeing a picture of Grandpa Ralph as a young man with Grandma Valerie by his side, hanging on the wall at the head of their bed. Another picture of him as a middle aged man with Grandma Evelyn hung below it. It just seemed so natural. Grandma Evelyn, my step-grandmother decorated that room. If a picture can speak a thousand words, the simple placement of those pictures spoke volumes.

I remember the day I learned that she wasn't my 'real' grandmother, but only a step grandmother. It was just assumed that everyone knew. Being one of the younger grandchildren, sometimes these things got overlooked. The difficulty came because it seemed that the 'step' part was designed to separate me from her, and I didn't like it. My maternal grandmother died when I was a teenager. I never spent much time at her home, she was ill and lived far away. I have very few memories of her. She remained a largely unknown entity, like Grandma Valerie. My grandmother was Grandma Evelyn.

Grandma Evelyn always had snacks available when grandchildren came to visit. She spent time teaching me to sew and can fruit and vegetables. I picked pie cherries in her backyard until the juice ran down my arm past the pits & on down to my waist. When you pick pie cherries, you squeeze the fruit off the pit and leave the pit & stem on the tree. It's a sticky job! We ate gravenstein apples in the side yard. She taught me how to cook an egg sunny side up and get it done on top without crusting the bottom. (She used a small cast iron pan, brushed it lightly with bacon grease, put the eggs in and then a couple tablespoons of water to make a lot of steam. Quickly cover with a lid, let the steam cook the top of the eggs for a minute, then serve.) She let me play her piano for hours and never told me that she would rather watch TV or listen to the radio, or that she was just tired of hearing me play. She loved the hymns too. She taught me to use ginger tea for an upset stomach. She knew a lot about natural remedies. I used to sleep in her basement in the spare bed in the summer, with my cousins. It was cool down there. The basement was lined with food storage. :( Sometimes we snuck cans of cooked bacon for a midnight snack. Sorry Grandma! We lived next door for several years while I was a teenager and I was richer for it.

Our family struggled in the years after my parents' divorce and I didn't have many nice clothes. We ate potatos and gravy a lot. I saved up my baby sitting money and bought a navy blue peacoat. I wore it everywhere. It was better than anything underneath. I even wore it in the blistering heat of summer. When others encouraged me to take it off, I told them I was cold. Just leave me alone already! Grandma Evelyn decided it was time to help me sew a new dress. She let me select the fabric, trim and pattern. When it was done, the peacoat came off, and I kept sewing. She fed & cared for my body and she nourished my spirit.

She worked on geneology and prepared books of remembrance for all of her children. She made one for my father with a hand painted family crest, pedigree charts, pedigree pictures, family group sheets and several pages of family history. I inherited this book from my father. It's a treasure and very helpful as I continue researching my ancestors.

She had over 70 grandchildren, blood line & steps. She was very short, under 5 feet tall. I doubt that she weighed over 100 pounds. She had Indian ancestry and her thick dark hair grew to her ankles. It was so heavy, she eventually cut it short to help relieve her migraine headaches. One of my most prized possessions is a lock of her hair.

My memories of Grandma Evelyn are a wellspring of love and acceptance and belonging that I still drink from. I so look forward to seeing her again. She is buried next to Grandpa Ralph, who is buried next to Grandma Valerie & baby Ruth.

Family Fast Day

Today was the first Sunday of the Month of June 2009. It's a designated Family Fast Day.

Is not this the fast that I have chosen?

to loose the bands of wickedness,

to undo the heavy burdens,

and to let the oppressed go free,

and that ye break every yoke?

Is it not to deal thy bread to the hungry,

and that thou bring the poor that are cast out to thy house?

when thou seest the naked, that thou cover him;

and that thou hide not thyself from thine own flesh? (Isaiah 58:6-7)

When we fast, we abstain from eating food/drink for 24 hours. During that time, we pray for special blessings, including relief from heavy burdens and freedom from those things that drag us down. We then take the money we would have used for food during that time and give it to the poor, as an offering to The Lord.

Today, we joined together to fast for Starla. This is like a giant group hug. :) She is facing a number of challenges in her young life. At 18, she is attending College and taking coursework in Criminal Justice. She plans to graduate with a 2 year degree before she turns 21. She is also working 20-35 hours/week as a sales clerk. We are so proud 0f her and how hard she works to acheive her goals.

We love you Starla!

My Song in the Night

(The last link was disabled, here's a new one)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0O1DV5M1ww

On Sunday, I spoke of how much I love association with those who seek the spirit. When we're in tune with the spirit, we see more opportunities to bless the lives of those around us and are more ready to receive what's needed. This short video offers a brief glimpse of what the world can become... I hope sooner rather than later.

12 week check in: Faith & Works in Action

We have been working on improving our health for more than 12 weeks now. It helps to stay focused when you occasionally stop and measure for results. Otherwise it's rather like playing tennis without the net.

There are several measures of success that we use. Some measures are more important than others. We've only used the scale (weight & percent body fat) once each 6 weeks. We've also used circumference measurements. (who cares how much you weigh, when you can fit into size 8 pants?!!) I've noticed that my hair & fingernails are stronger and growing faster since we gave up sugar. And, I enjoy giving away clothes that I've shrunk out of and finding smaller sizes. It is so cool to see them leave my closet.

We have each lost 4% body fat since we began. We're focusing on a healthy body fat range, rather than a healthy weight range. Last time I measured, I had 118 pounds lean body mass. Some of my ancestors were short & stocky. I wouldn't go so far as to mention Hobits, but others have not been so circumspect. (Grandpa rode Broncos in the rodeo, they called him White Lightening because of his white blond hair, at least that's what I was told...)

FYI: Most women I know, are below 100 pounds LBM.

To maintain that LBM and still stay within the standard recommended weight for my body height, I would have to accept a dangerously low body fat percentage. So, every 6 weeks, we recheck the body fat percentage. I don't have a target weight range yet, I'll know what it is when the body fat percentage is right.

Twelve weeks ago, I was much more tired. I caught a bug twice and it took a while to get over each one. It seemed that each time I tried to begin daily exercise, my body rebelled and I would get sick/stay sick/ have a relapse. So, I decided that more sleep was what I needed, and averaged 9-11 hours sleep/night for a while. I am now sleeping 7-8 hours/night and exercising almost daily, sometimes twice/day, walking between 3-6 miles each day. And I don't come home exhausted. I also use my infa-red sauna several times a week for 30 minutes, along with magnesium salts baths. It feels great!

On the other hand, before losing adipose tissue, I never stopped to consider that fat cells produce estrogen......there is nothing so constant in life as change.

Today, like every Sunday, we went to church. We sat in sacrament meeting and sang hymns in between speakers. Several of the Youth presented talks today. They spoke of the importance of standing up for what is right, defending Christ and living up to what we know to be true.

The closing song was "The Lord Is My Light" Words: Isaac Watts, Music: John Hatton

The Lord is my light, then why should I fear?

By day and by night his presence is near.

He is my salvation from sorrow and sin;

This blessed assurance the Spirit doth bring.

The Lord is my light; tho clouds may arise,

Faith, stronger than sight, looks up through the skies

Where Jesus forever in glory doth reign.

Then how can I ever in darkness remain?

The Lord is my light; the Lord is my strength.

I know in his might I'll conquer at length.

My weakness in mercy he covers with pow'r,

and walking by faith, I am blest ev'ry hour.

The Lord is my light, my all and in all.

There is in his sight no darkness at all.

He is my Redemer, my Savior, and King.

With Saints and with angels his praises I'll sing.

I love the hymns! They feed my soul and increase my understanding. They soften my heart.

Mere words don't have the power of the hymns. Inspired hymns to go straight to my heart and fill it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spjkgMpVDWQ&feature=related

I love going to church. It is such a privledge to be around people who live righteous lives and seek the spirit. When I am struggling and in need of help, I can count on there being someone there who understands and can help me to understand also. There are also many opportunities to serve and help others. I am made better through association with them. I want to be with these Saints forever.

Thirteen Turtle Day

As part of our faith & works in action, we have begun to do more walking together. The closest location for this activity is about a mile away, at Gene Coulon Park. If you walk from one end to the other (including walkouts on the docks & all the way to the Boeing Renton plant in front of the waterfront condos) it's about 2.75 miles round trip. Gentle paved slopes, beautiful greenery, flowering trees & bushes & lots of animal life.

When we walk in the evening, we see more turtles than in the early day. Most days, we might see 2-4 turtles sunning themselves on rocks & logs floating in the water. One day a few weeks ago, we saw THIRTEEN! They were everywhere. Big ones, Little ones, green backs, black backs, coppery-rust backs with green or yellow bellies. Some loners, some sunning in groups. It's a highlight of our walk to watch for these gentle creatures.

Caution: Faith & Works in Progress

We have been working on putting our lives in order, reaching for a higher plane. This last month we reached a major goal....

We are finally out of debt! (Yeah Dave Ramsey!)

Except for our home in Oregon, we have no monthly debt payments, not directly associated with our neccesary living expenses. (i.e. rent, electric, gas, food etc.) It feels great! We are now preparing & saving money to stay out of debt. My six year old car will soon need major transmission work, we want to pay cash, not make payments for it's repair.

I love the feeling of being out of debt! We've come a long way. I never want to go there again.

Another way that we're putting our lives in order is to be more careful about what we eat. A couple of months ago, we adopted a new eating plan that eliminates sugar and allows moderate amounts of lean meats, healthy carbs, fruits & vegetables. We measured ourselves when we started & again at six weeks and were surprised at the results.

We each lost 6 inches of belly fat! I had to remeasure twice I thought there had been a mistake.


Tom won't go shopping for new pants yet,(frugal habits) he just keeps cinching up his belt.

We're planning a major wardrobe update in July.

I feel so much better. My health issues have diminished. I have more energy. I'm happier and more peaceful. It's worth giving up sugar to feel that way. It reminds me of Shadrack, Meshack & Abednago in the Old Testament. They wouldn't eat the kings' rich food, because they knew their bodies would be healthier without it. They eventually ran faster & learned more than the rest of their group because they treated their bodies well.

Faith & Works in Progress.

Perspectives

In my recent readings I came across a phrase that jumped off the page. I'll start a few lines before. It's given me cause to reflect and better understand some of what I see happening out there.



"And still the hate grew. Public figures rose up, brainless and empty, spewing vile rhetoric against their own nations and the freedoms that had once made them great. Great leaders preached the loathing of anything decent or good. Hypocritical of the failings of virtue, endlessly forgiving of the failings of vice..."



Endlessly forgiving of the failings of vice...tolerant, embracing, accepting. Those who commit violent crimes and get out on parole, and/or get shortened sentences, again and again. Laws which are woefully inadequate in assigning commensurate punishment when compared to the gravity of the crime.

Hypocritical of the failings of virtue... Ones' whole life can be spent in honest pursuit of what is good, a single mistake or misunderstanding can destroy that. You don't even have to commit a crime, just have a vocal opponent spin scenarios of doubt, and your 'crime' is worse than decades of being a drug dealing dope addict. No opportunity given or permitted to defend your position. The truth can't be tolerated. The yellers and screamers don't want to hear it. It would interfere with the accepted myth they want to believe. Even a convicted criminal gets a day in court. Gossip is a vile activity. It's verbal assault, by stealth.



There are hundreds of examples of this paradox in literature and the news. Even more in individual communities and families. Lies have an origin and an inspiration.

I so appreciate the privilege of associating with people of good conscience. Mistakes are made (often :) ), but as we work through them, we help each other to become better. Truth is honored. I lift thee and thee lift me and we shall ascend together. This principle wouldn't work very well someone were to spread faulty perspectives in a forum that doesn't allow for correction and the influence of the spirit.

Food for thought.

Preparations for Tom's birthday

For the last year and a half, we have had major construction on a road near our home. (The road between our house & early morning seminary, our house & school etc.) the last year of that, the main throughfair has been closed while they reconstruct the May Creek Bridge. They have chosen Tom's birthday, July 16th, to officially open the new bridge.

What a birthday present! Savings on mileage, time & gas expenditures. :)


http://www.newcastle411.com/

Socialism & the War in Heaven

As I have listened to the news and read reports of major changes happening in our country (GM bailout, banking bailouts, government control of major industries, talk of socialized medicine, federalization of many other services etc.) and others around the world, it's been hard not to draw a few comparisons between what's happening now and our early beginnings in Heaven.

The word Socialism comes up a lot. This is what Wikipedia says about Socialism.

"Socialism refers to a broad set of economic theories of social organization advocating public or state ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods, and a society characterized by equality for all individuals, with a fair or egalitarian method of compensation."

It's hard to pin down all the details because there are so many different views regarding exactly how Socialism should be administered. Basically, I think that most people who advocate Socialism, want everyone to have what they need. (or what they want) No one should be in want or without. This seems like a noble ambition. Taking care of those who cannot (or will not?) care for themselves or their families.

I've been pondering the principles behind the idea. It's not new. In fact it's been around since before the world was created.

Lucifer was the son of the morning. He was one of the great ones. He was our brother. He became so great, in fact, that he decided that he didn't need God to progress. He began a rebellion against God that eventually pulled away 1/3 of our brothers and sisters, before they were ever born. He disagreed with the Plan of Salvation proposed by our Father in Heaven. This plan would allow each individual to come to earth and make choices about what was most important to them. They would then need to live with the consequences of those choices and/or learn from them and progressively make better choices. This plan encourages growth, learning, progression and independence.

He didn't want people to have the agency to choose between good and evil, right & wrong, good-better-best. After all, they might make poor choices and then they would suffer and others would suffer. They might not ever return to our Father in Heaven. Failure. No, that couldn't be allowed. If Lucifer had his way, he would force everyone to follow his plan, and all would return safe and sound. No mention of rigging the test. (What is the test, if you already know everyone will pass, regardless of their choices?) He would be in charge of everyone and everything and ensure equality for all. This plan encourages stagnation, weakness and dependence on others.

No matter, it was a lie. Lucifer knew it wasn't possible, but it was so attractive an idea, that lots of our siblings fell for it anyway. He's not called the Father of Lies for nothing.

It's the same with earthly Socialism. It's an attractive idea, but not possible. You cannot force people to be equal. Equality must come through free will and the use of agency on the part of each individual involved. When a community follows the teachings of Christ and truly tries to implement them, they become more unified in purpose. When each person is seeking the interest of his neighbor, there will be no rich and poor, no bond and free. All are free together, and all share equally, of their own free will. The City of Enoch did it in the Old Testament. The Nephites did it after Christ taught them the gospel in America.

When a government agency tries to force everyone to be equal, by working to give everyone everything they need, it destroys the positive influence of agency. People are then taught to expect someone else to care for them. Why take care of your neighbors? I pay taxes for the government to do that. It encourages selfishness and laziness. Why should I work harder, it will just be taken away to give to someone else who soesn't work or doesn't want to work. The evil of the dole. I need to work as little as I can to get 'my fair share' or 'what I'm entitled to'.

Our current system, while it does allow for failure, (Just like the Plan of Salvation) helps people to learn about cause and effect. Consequences are real when you must live with your own choices. This process helps us to learn and grow and prepare ourselves to meet God. Part of this process is to willingly help our neighbors and to share what we have, but not remove from them the consequences of their choices.

I'm grateful for a Father in Heaven who loves me enough to let me suffer through my poor choices and the poor choices of others while I learn about agency and how to use it. All of these experiences give me understanding and help prepare me to eventually return to him.

Happy Anniversary Tom!

This is Tom, and today is our 7th anniversary.

Tom is my dearest friend and most constant companion. I trust him like no other.

I love taking long walks together. It gives us a chance to talk and draw close without so many distractions. We discuss challenges & opportunities and make plans for the future.

I enjoy the time we spend taking car rides together for the same reason, (but not as much as the long walks!)

I enjoy our time doing geneology together and learning more about each other's family tree.

I enjoy working together in the same room, each on our own projects, no conversation, just being in the same place together. So much can be communicated without words, if you're listening.

This morning Tom woke up early to attend a 7:00am Priesthood Meeting with the Stake President. He didn't get to sleep until after midnight. His faithfulness in fulfilling his callings increases my love for him and strenthens my trust that he will do what's right, often with a notable personal sacrifice. His offering to the Lord.

Those who know me are aware that my ability to trust others has been significantly affected by a number of painful events that have transpired in my life. Some lessons come the hard way.

When Tom and I were dating, he told me that he loved me. My first response was to roll my eyes and express "Yeah, right." It took a while to recognize that this was a man whose talk matched his walk. If he said it, it was true.

(Unless he said it with a certain twinkle in his eye, and then you knew that his Irish ancestry was showing and he'd kissed the blarney stone, but that's another story :) )

Tom is an exceptional individual. He treats perfect strangers with uncommon respect and courtesy. He seems to always be on the lookout for small acts of kindness that will brighten someone else's day.

When an individual gets in his face with rude, offensive or untrue remarks, Tom doesn't react, he takes a thoughtful course of action designed to make a friend of the accuser if possible, and if not possible, to at least leave the man with some dignity when he recognizes his error.

Tom, these last seven years have gone by so fast. There have been many bumps in the road; changes of direction, tears, laughter & heartache, uncertainty, struggles to blend/understand two family styles with a minimum of stress, loss of employment, down-sizing & moving, changes of workplace, funerals, births, divorces & marriages, etc. Through it all, there has been understanding and hope. Things have a way of working out the way they need to.

Tom, I love you with all my heart & soul. Thank you for taking this walk with me.

Sandi

A number of years ago, I heard an interesting story. Someone wanted to know how the examples of others influences our ability and desire to keep trying even when things are difficult.

The project included a complicated set of blocks used to build a bridge. Two films were made demonstrating how to put the blocks together. In the first film, each block was put into place in the perfect order, there were no mistakes, no trial and error. The construction flowed seamlessly. In the second film, there were multiple trial and error attempts. Various avenues were explored and finally, the bridge was built. The first film was much shorter than the second.

The next step was to divide the learners into two groups. One group was shown the first film, the next group was shown the second film. Each group was then asked to construct the bridge of building blocks after viewing their instructional film.

When the two groups built their bridges, there was an interesting difference. Those in the group that saw the first film, of the perfect way to construct the bridge, were not very successful.

They would try to follow what they had seen, but when they couldn't duplicate the efforts of those they saw in the film, they gave up before the project was finished.

Those who saw the second film were much more successful in putting the bridge together. When they didn't do it perfectly the first time, they kept trying. They eventually figured it out and built the bridge.

Why am I writing about this?

As I look at my life, and the lives of those around me, it's not hard to see the imperfections. We're all human and prone to error. We're given instructions about how to meet our challenges and avoid the pitfalls that would cause us to waste time on useless tangents.

But, like the film, most of us don't do it right the first time. We learn our best lessons through trial and error. It's hard to watch others make choices that you believe will bring them pain and heartache. It takes a certain level of understanding and maturity to hold your piece (and your tongue) and let nature take it's course. We're each responsible for our own choices. We are taught. Sometimes we pay attention and sometimes we ignore it. The stuff that is ignored has a way of showing up over and over until we finally pay attention and learn the lesson that is before us.

When I think about this story, it helps me remember to be gentle with others and with myself while we're working on our bridges. :)

Global Warming & School Programs

I heard there was a local rally of those against global warming last night in the Seattle area. That explains the heavy snowfall...

Because of the snow last night, school was 90 minutes late again today. I ended up testing in one school (syncopated & straight rhythms to 'Rats for Lunch' by Jack Prelutsky) The kids loved singing this one to the Lunch Lady at school.

part 1: Rats for lunch, rats for lunch, Yum delicious munch, munch, munch.

One by one, or by the bunch, Rats, oh rats oh rats for lunch.

part 2: Rats we love you steamed or stewed, boiled baked or barbequed

Pickled, poached or fried in fat, there is nothing like a rat.

Yes, this is part of our adopted curriculum. No, It's not one of Tom's favorites.

At another school we practiced for our upcoming program E-I-E-I-Oops! It's all about a barnyard full of animals singing Old MacDonald had a Farm, except that the cow won't MOO. It takes them a while to figure out why. Cute Songs, check 'em out on this web site...

https://www.popplersmusic.com/store/index.asp?dept_Id=90&ppf_ProductId=225

20 2nd grade girls singing Cute Chicks! (with choreography on stage) is adorable.

Starla's friend Dave

This is a picture of Starla's friend Dave. He spent a few days helping us move. (Dave is on the right) The guy on the left is a recruiter that he has been talking to lately.

Still Moving...

We're still moving. Every night, we fall into bed tired.

I played the organ today in Sacrament meeting and even my fingers hurt from so much carrying & packing of stuff. Too much stuff can truely be a burden.

Yesterday was Valentines Day and we had plans to go to an Adult Stake Dinner/Dance. We had fallen behind on our packing the truck goals & so we decided to work later & celebrate Valentines Day at home. Starla was out with Dave. Heather was babysitting. We had the place to ourselves. That seems to be happening more & more these days as Starla & Heather get busier with other activities.

Quiet can be good. :)

Tomorrow morning, I drive to Oregon with the truck. Tuesday, I ride the train back to Washington, and finish cleaning out the house. It's mid-winter break in Washington.

The Tree House

We are still working on getting our computers & electronic gear

organized in the new space. This photo is a close

approximation to the height of our new home. Think desiduous

instead of palm trees, and put a few more condos around it

and it's about right.

No extra charge for the exercise regime that comes with the rental.

Downsizing to an apartment

For those of you who don't already know, we are in the middle of a move. Many things have inspired this course of action. The winter cold weather is the most motivating at the present time. A few months after we moved into our 5 bedroom house in Newcastle, we nick named it The Igloo. It's white and feels like an ice box. When the fire is lit and all heaters running full bore on a cold night, it still takes about 3 hours to adequately heat the house, and then it's time for bed.

So, our new home is a step up, or rather 44 steps up. We call it the tree house because it's a green two story (2 bedroom,2 bath) condo. Our main floor, with kitchen, living room, master bedroom & balcony is 44 steps up from where we park our car. It has a great view of Lake Washington

When it rains it pours

We have been so busy living life, there has been very little time to record it, even on a blog.

When the emotional content is great, my tendency is to remain silent. I just feel, cry & take long walks, cry, work, pray, teach children to sing & dance to music, cry, pack boxes, hug my sweetheart, meditate, pray, call/text my kids, cry, hug my children and cry some more. I try to be careful where & when I allow myself to be tearful, not everyone understands or can tolerate intense emotion. I don't want to make others uncomfortable around me.

A month ago, just after winter break, we received news from Jesse & Aleina that they were loosing their precious baby, my granddaughter. I needed to be there. I postponed a grade school concert (that had already been delayed from before Christmas because of snowy weather) and made arrangements to drive to Portland. When I woke up that Thursday morning, I discovered that the Seattle area was an island, all roads leaving in any direction were closed due to flooding. I cried. All flights out were booked that day, but I was able to get a flight to Portland at 6 am the next morning. I was grateful to be able to travel. Jesse & his father-in-law picked me up at the airport. We traveled to the hospital where Aleina was waiting with her mom, in labor with little Layla. We spent the day waiting for the birth of this sweet little girl that we knew would not live. After she was born and they took her away to clean her up, we cried together. They brought her back wrapped in a little pink rosebud quilt, like a precious flower that didn't quite bloom. When I held her, she was so tiny, so limp, so incredibly present in my heart.

The circumstances of her birth were far from ideal, yet, even while I held her and marveled at her tiny, still, features, I felt at peace. The pain could not remove the peace. A curious, intense mix of grief and pain, rather like a wound that is being well cared for. ..

This little child was so perfect when she was born that all she needed on this earth was a body. Heavenly Father took her back to him. We cry for those of us who are left behind. "Let us live together in love so that we weep for the loss of them that die." We didn't have a chance to get to know Layla here. But I know that we all existed and associated as brothers and sisters before we ever came here. I also know that we will enjoy that privilege again when we die, only without the blinders we experience now. We will see things more clearly, as they truly are. I look forward to holding this grandchild again when I pass from this life. The older I get, the longer the list gets of those I want to hug & hold again. Death will eventually come as a welcome friend, not an unknown stranger.

Last Sunday, we traveled to Oregon to be present at the blessing of my nephew Tom Smith's little newborn, Carma Letha Smith. My husband Tom was invited to be in the circle while she was blessed. My niece Heidi's baby daughter Katherine was also blessed that day. Little Carma was less than two weeks old. She was named after Tom's mother Carma, who passed away last May. She was also named for her maternal grandmother, Letha, who had previously passed away. As I held that precious little girl, tears flowed down my cheeks. My husband Tom loaned me his handkerchief. I sat on the front row with other family members in church and silently wept. I wept for joy, this is my nephew's first child. He has traveled a hard road. I wept in remembrance of my sister, this child bears her name. I wept for what might have been, my recently lost grandchild. I wept full of joy & hope because of a knowledge of the resurrection and the atonement. I wept for happiness for the privilege of associating with friends and family in that holy place. I tried to contain the tears, but they poured down my cheeks and would not stop. My nose was red & my eyes were wet & puffy.

I'm grateful to be sealed to my parents, and that they are sealed to theirs. I'm grateful that my children are sealed to me and look forward to this unending chain continuing with my children and grandchildren so that future generations will be bound together in love by the power of the Holy Priesthood. Little else matters but to love and serve each other with all our hearts.

As I read and listened to Aleina's blog this evening, my heart was filled, and tears poured down my cheeks like rain. I pray that her wounded heart would be bound up and that she will find increased hope and peace every time the dressing is changed. I pray for my son's heart to heal as well, and that these young parents will grow even closer together during this time of loss.

There have been many other changes, but they will have to wait for another day.